LETTER TO A BROTHER ON SEEKING A WIFE
In everything we have to first know the WILL OF GOD and not take anything for GRANTED. Now most Christians start looking for a mate without even seeking the Lord as to whether first of all He wants them to marry. We have to “In ALL our ways acknowledge Him that He might direct our paths!” [Prov 3:5,6]
The Apostle said – “I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, IT IS GOOD FOR THEM IF THEY ABIDE EVEN AS I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is BETTER TO MARRY THAN TO BURN”. [1Cor 7:8,9]
Maybe sex is an important thing to you. And if it is there is no need to feel condemned or ashamed about it. It’s just the way God made you. Consider what the Apostle said – “For I would that all men were even as I MYSELF (single). But every man hath his proper GIFT OF GOD, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to BURN”. [1Cor 7:7-9]
So for a man to remain single or abstain from sex (in marriage) is NOT NORMAL BUT A ‘GIFT OF GOD’! The Lord Jesus spoke of those “which have made themselves eunuchs for the KINGDOM OF HEAVEN’S SAKE”. ALL do not have this gift and it is injurious to PRETEND you have it when you don’t! For ‘Whoso boasteth himself of a false gift is like clouds and wind without rain’. [Prov 25:14]
Sometimes the child of God fears thus, “what if God now brings along some ‘ugly duckling’ and says “Marry her! She’s the one I had in mind for you”! Now after many years in the Lord, I know better. But when you are new to the faith, all kinds of fears haunt you.
But the Lord always gives that which is GOOD! Amen? “If ye then, being EVIL, know how to give good gifts unto your children, HOW MUCH MORE shall your Father which is in heaven give GOOD THINGS to them that ask him”? [Matt 7:11].
Then after many years, God brought Anita into my life and we’ve been married twenty four years. She is TAILOR MADE FOR ME and my marriage to her has made me understand the mystery of Christ and His bride more than all the theology books on marriage! I can say in all honesty that the greatest gift that God has blessed me with next salvation itself is my wife.
Trust me Alex, God gives the BEST to those who leave the choices up to him and put HIM FIRST in their lives! What a word is that – “Delight thyself also in the LORD: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass”! [Psa 37:4,5]
I would encourage you to commit this whole thing concerning marriage into God’s hands and look to Him alone to work things out.
So are you willing, not to present YOUR program to God for HIS signature?–Not even to be presented with GOD’S program for YOUR signature, but are you willing to sign a BLANK SHEET OF PAPER and let GOD fill it in without your even knowing in advance what His program is going to be? Think about it. Are you willing to honestly and sincerely turn your life over to Him and then do WHATEVER He wants you to do? If so, God has a WONDERFUL and GLORIOUS future in store for you!
But let me share something else, Alex. After I split up with my first girlfriend, I decided that I wasn’t going to marry or ‘seek’ for a wife, but rather give myself wholly to the Lord and His service (which I did). Then in 1992 I joined a large Church in our city to lead in their worship and teach in their small Bible school. That’s when I came across my wife who was also working in that same church. It wasn’t ‘love at first sight’ or any fleshly attraction, but by and by the Lord convinced both of us that we should come together in marriage and serve Him fulltime. My parents, her parents, and our ‘pastor’ were all against it. But because IT WAS GOD’S WILL He worked on all their hearts and by and by they agreed even against their will and got us married.
Now looking back I can see the wisdom of God in all this. Believe me, Alex, as I said earlier my wife is ‘tailor made’ for me. I wouldn’t trade her for any other woman in the world!! You see, my wife did her ‘Bachelor of Divinity’ in Canada and lived there for almost five years. There were so many ‘pastors’ and mission workers she could have married and settled down in Canada . But every time she prayed about a proposal God would tell her “he’s not the one!” And she was getting well past the age of 32, an age when women start fretting that their age is passing by etc. Then God told her to come to India (which her worldly parents vehemently opposed). But she obeyed. And when we met, and I proposed, she prayed about it. God spoke to her through a verse in 2Kings = “this is an holy man of God, which passeth by us continually”. Even on the night before our marriage day we both sincerely cried out to God that if this wasn’t His will for us that He would not let it happen. But IT WAS His will and here we are married with two healthy boys and with a desire to get closer and closer to Jesus!
And one more thing Alex, don’t go around looking for a girl who believes in God’s Absolute Sovereignty and ‘Predestination’ just like YOU and I do. There just aren’t many of those around. Ask the Lord to lead you to a girl who is truly saved and has a love for Him and His Word. And when you meet one, present the truth in love as she is able to receive it. Don’t make the mistake that I made when I initially came into the Reformed faith. i.e. cram all the five points of Calvinism in one sitting. Imitate the Lord’s way in teaching. Remember what the Master told His disciples, “I have yet MANY THINGS to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them NOW”. And again, “with many such parables spake He the word unto them, AS THEY WERE ABLE TO HEAR IT” [Mk4:33]. But no matter how long it takes make sure that she fully receives and understands what Jonah understood in the belly of the whale. i.e. “SALVATION IS OF THE LORD![Jonah 2:9].
According to your faith be it unto you, dear brother! Do you believe that God is able to still ‘call out things that are not as though they were?!’ Are you amongst those who AGAINST HOPE BELIEVE IN HOPE? Who stagger not at the promise of God through unbelief, but are strong in faith giving glory to God being fully persuaded that what He hath promised He is able to perform?! Are you truly the son of our father Jacob who wrestled with the Angel and prevailed, saying: “I will not let thee go, except thou bless me!” Then wait! Even if it means to die waiting! Remember what the Old Puritans used to say – “He waited for God’s best and God gave him nothing less!” Hallelujah!
Remember Alex, if God has prepared a wife for you, He’ll bring her to you no matter where she is. Like He brought Anita to me all the way from Canada. “And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made He a woman, and BROUGHT HER UNTO THE MAN! [Gen2:22] “To everything there is a season, and A TIME to every purpose under the heaven: and He hath made everything beautiful IN HIS TIME! [Ecc3:11] When God sees that you are ready to marry and raise a Godly offspring, NO force in heaven or on earth is going to stop it! But let patience have her PERFECT work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
Alex, I am tired and have to rest now. Shall write again dear Brother. Until then keep seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you……..IN HIS TIME!
Thy brother for whom Christ died